Everyone talks about the pain of an intimate relationship ending, but we hardly speak of the gap that’s left when we have to end a friendship. Who am I going to call/text at ungodly hours with random thoughts who will instantly answer and understand the randomness and never question the oddity of it all? Who’s going to hype me up when I’ve been knocked down? Who’s going to understand my silent battles and quietly sit beside me in it all? Who’s gonna allow me to be ME? Without judgement or condemnation? Pray tell who damnit!!!
Forming friendships has never been easy for me. As an adult with children, a career and incredibly lofty life goals, I tend to get caught up to the detriment of potential friendships. So having to end an established friendship is gut wrenching.
Gut wrenching and necessary.
The sadness that engulfs you when you start to accept that the respect, loyalty, admiration and love that you have for an individual is not reciprocated hurts.
It really does!
It hurts until it doesn’t hurt anymore.
It hurts until you’re able to be completely honest with yourself. You’ve watched your friend’s disloyal actions and although you were disgusted by it, you opted not to address it. Whether for the fear of losing that friend or maybe because it never directly affected you, you turn a blind eye. Either way, it’s not addressed, and we all know what happens to concerns that aren’t addressed. They become problems. Problems that become the reason an otherwise great friendship dies.
Sometimes we play ourselves by not wanting to accept people for who they continuously show us they are. Then there’s a point in life where you’re seriously focused on personal development and you’re shedding old thoughts, behaviors and people who no longer align with your future self. This is when you start to accept the natural death of a friendship. You accept that the only thing you had in common was a history. That’s it. Nothing else. And so you start to release this friendship.
Whether I have had to end a friendship or I have had to release a friendship, I’ve learned to do it with love. There’s no animosity, just acceptance. If they cross my mind I send a quick prayer up for them. I celebrate their victories, albeit from afar. I cast their secrets away into the Sea of Forgetfulness and pray they do the same for mine. And I move on, cuz while forging friendships has always been a challenge for me, I’m learning that my challenges often lead to sinfully delicious discoveries!
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